Remind me what it means to be loved
by Inkettrinket
Summary: What if after during the episode BloodLine." Luka and Abby had lost the baby. What would this do to their relationship? what if this tragedy caused Abby to spiral out of control with her drinking. And it caused Luka to struggle with his past and ignite other stresses? Can they find their way back to each other or are they doomed to fall ad and review. Rated T For swearing.


A/N: First ever ER fanfic. Love, love, Love. Luka. Abby and him together. Makes me very happy. But every relationship has it's struggles. This is an alternate ending to "Bloodline." so hold tight.

Like always—read on!

"Remind me what it means to be Loved." prologue

"You weren't there Luka. You. Weren't. There." Abby bit out.

Luka crossed his arms along his chest. "So, what? You blame me for your drinking?"

Abby blinked then shook her head. "Yes, actually I do. You have no idea what I've been dealing with. No idea!"

"I have a more than clear idea. Abby. Do you think I don't see what you're doing to yourself? You have closed yourself off to me, our friends, even neglected your patients."

Abby scoffed walking over to the sink. "You know, that is rich."

Luka furrowed his brow. "What is?"

"Oh, I don't know... she looked over her shoulder at him... "Getting a lecture on communication from a guy that is notorious for keeping things bottled up."

At Luka's silence Abby deep down regretted that retort. Finally. What seemed like several minutes then seconds Luka spoke.

"It wasn't your fault Abby." his voice oddly empathetic compared to the last hour of heated arguments.

Abby blinked away unshed tears. A new anger rising.

"No, it's Sam's." she snapped back walking over to the fridge to open it.

Having been with Sam before Luka jumped to her defence. "It wasn't Sam's fault either."

Abby slammed the fridge door shut scoffing as she stormed passed him. "Not surprising you would take her side."

Luka frustration heightened. "That is not fair Abby. I know her she-"

"You know every woman Luka it isn't a secret that you crawled into bed or hid in closests with almost every vulnerable woman in county." 

Luka expression was solemn at the accusation to tossed at him. "You make me sound like a damn predator."

Abby took up a throw off the couch folding it. Needing to do something with her hands. As she did she muttered.

"You were pretty darn close."

Luka's frustration turned quickly to anger. "How can...that is not fair Abby."

Abby threw the cover back on the couch glaring at him. "Guess what Luka life isn't fair. All I want is for people to get off my back. I am tired of the higher than though bullshit. If you can't suck it up than just leave!"

Luka rose his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Abby pushing me away is not going to work. I'm here to help you."

"I don't need help." she fired back as she headed for the stairs.

Luka finally snapped. "Abby, we lost our baby! I know you are trying to drown what happened with old habits. I have been down that road. It will only succeed in causing more pain! We need to deal with this tragedy together we-" 

"WE don't need to do squat Luka. Because my baby was ripped away from me. You weren't there!

"That was because I was tied down to a stretcher. With an incubation tube down my throat! I could barely feel my muscles move! I panicked, I was willing myself to get to you the moment I saw the bloody hand print stain the window. I was terrified Abby because when you slid from my sight I thought I freaking lost you! That you died!Alright! I was...helpless. Again I was helpless." he confessed miserably.

He turn away from her running a hand through his hair. "I can't do...you need help Abby. You either come with me willingly or.."

Abby stalked over to him. "Or What? Luka?! You're going to haul me to a shrink so I can confess the feelings I will no doubt feel for the rest of my life?! That I will NEVER going to hold my baby or feel him, or see him grow up? Is that your diabolical plan? Well I got news for you buddy. I will go to a shrink over my. dead. Body!"

"ABBY! Just...stop it. Ok, I've had enough."

"Finally something we agree on. If you aren't out of here by the time I reach the stairs I will throw you OUT!"

"Ab.." Luka took in a deep breath finally walking over to the coat rack. He grabbed his scarf and coat followed by taking the keys from the table.

As he opened the door he paused looking over at Abby. "I already lost one wife. I will be damned if I stand by and lose another."

Abby flinched at the words and the door being slammed shut. She was left alone. The only thing that kept her company as the ticking of the clock in the corner.

A/N: interested? Review!

KS


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